Saturday, August 25, 2007

A herpetological horror

Subject: A herpetological horror
From: (Ashley)
Date: 25 Jun 93 19:39:50 GMT
Organization: Kaos Laboratories
Keywords: venomous lizard, penis, hemotoxic venom.
Lines: 56

As a result of the little kitchen knife incident, a friend of mine and I where discussing interesting ways to loose your penis. He mentioned a person who got snipped by a snapping turtle while pissing in a river. Then I remembered something I read about in a herpetological journal some
time ago. Thought it might be appreciated here.

>> Haven't heard of one of those yet. I did hear of a fellow who somehow
>> got bitten by a gilla monster on the schlong though....
>Aren't they those black and red poisonous things?

Big, fat, ugly, slow, venomous lizards. Black and pink nocturnal desert dwellers in the american south west. Hemotoxic poison. Somehow some joker got bit on the dick by one. Haven't any idea how, but I suppose the gilla monster probably crawled inside his sleeping bag just before sunrise. When the wake-up woodie appeared, the lizard saw it and bit.

Now to understand what must have happened to this guy, we need to know a bit about the poisons in reptile venom. There are two kinds, neurotoxic and hemotoxic. The gilla monster has a hemotoxic venom. Hemotoxic venom destroys blood, prevents oxygen from reaching the cells,
the tissue dies, huge blood blisters form, the nerves in the area die causing local loss of motor function control. If the venom gets to the heart in high enough concentrations, the heart tissues and muscles deteriorate and the heart fails. Nausea, delerium, immobilty, vomiting, hallucinations. That's the effect of a viper bite. It's usually survivable, although it can
cost you a limb.

Now imagine a big lizard with a hematoxic venom biting someone's dick. Instead of the clean, long, hypodermic like fangs like a viper, the gilla monster has poison sacks in his gums and grooves in the teeth. He bites, clamps on, and begins working his jaws. He does not let go. So he
*grinds* the poison in. Slowly. You usually have to kill a gilla monster to get them off you if you get bit. And they don't die easily, nor do they let go when they are dead. The jaw muscles lock.

Now imagine the effects of the hematoxic venom on this guy's penis. The amount of blood in a penis is pretty big, so the blood blister would be huge and it would come quickly since the swelling would prevent blood from leaving at the normal rate. It would continue to swell until the blister burst. No oxygen to any of the cells in the spongeotum, so you'd have necrotic rot in a matter of hours, and the blood that did leave the penis would go straight up to the heart. Dying in terror, nausea and delerium with a big lzard chomping on your dick, while your dick swells up with discolored blood, oozes, explodes and rots.

Gilla Monsters. The ultimate blow-job.

Ashley, a psychotic, depraved and reprehensibly morbid individual.
"My sex life is defined by the thin line between a love tap and murder with a blunt instrument."

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